


this is war

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, member love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-20
Updated: 2008-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: To Ryo, nothing is worth having unless it can be fought for (or otherwise stealthily obtained).





	this is war

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This is Love](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/339975) by peroxidepest17. 



> reposted from agck.

Ryo is a fighter.

He’d have to be, to be stretched as thin as he is. He fights to wake up on time every morning in addition to learning dance moves for two groups and getting along with everyone he really doesn’t like. It was easier when Uchi was around, someone who really understands his pain, but now Uchi is just another one whom Ryo fights _for_.

::

The first was Yamapi. All those years ago, when nobody took Ryo seriously because he looked like he was five years old. Back then, Ryo never had to fight for anything because it was all given to him, everything except Yamapi’s affections.

That wasn’t exactly true; Yamapi loved _everybody_. He was like a loving machine with the way he respected, cherished, and appreciated everyone he knew. But Ryo didn’t want to be just another name on Yamapi’s list of friends – he wanted to be at the top.

Even at nineteen, Yamapi got a lot of work. The beautiful junior had become the beautiful leader of NewS, and it was obvious to Ryo that the other had no idea what he was doing. Eight faces stared at him for guidance, and Ryo had to give it to him, the kid was a good actor and spouted off things like “Do your best!” with an air about him that was infectious and made Ryo want to do exactly that.

They were all separated into their little cliques – the KKK of KKKity, Ryo and Uchi, and Tegoshi and Moriuchi automatically stuck together because they were the newest and didn’t really know anybody else. Massu kind of drifted around, politely doing what he was told with a smile, and Yamapi was separated from all of them most of the time. When Moriuchi left, the only difference was that Tegoshi sat with Massu, who didn’t seem to mind the company.

As much as Ryo would have liked to say that he was single-handedly responsible for bringing NewS together, he had to share some of the credit with Koyama. Koyama, the advocator of member love, was the one who initially reached out to the others and insisted on group outings, constantly asking questions to get to know everyone better.

Ryo just concentrated on Yamapi. At nineteen, Yamapi seemed to be in his own little shell and at a loss of how to act with his bandmates. He was a senpai to all of them as well as their leader, and Ryo supposed that there was some kind of invisible line Yamapi wouldn’t allow himself to cross for those reasons.

Oddly enough, it was Shige who finally got Yamapi to crack. Shige who always fell on his face or missed his notes, couldn’t get his dance moves right or say the right thing. Shige who Ryo found crying in the bathroom after a performance, saying things like he didn’t belong here and he should just leave like Moriuchi.

Ryo doesn’t remember exactly what he said, only that Shige trembling in his arms actually scared him for one of the first times in his life. Not because it was Shige, but because it threatened their group that Yamapi worked so hard to lead, Koyama worked so hard to bring together, and Ryo worked so hard to defend.

Not long after that, Ryo and Yamapi easily slid into a friendship. Ryo became consulted about Official NewS Business (instead of just offering his opinion unsolicited), and another pink toothbrush appeared in Ryo’s bathroom. Ryo learned that Yamashita Tomohisa is complicated in his simplicity, doesn’t trust easily, and only shows the face that everyone else wants to see.

It wasn’t until their group was sent on hiatus that Yamapi broke down, leaning on Ryo because everyone else was leaning on him, and Ryo felt that this was his purpose in NewS. Koyama loves, Ryo protects. It was the first time that Ryo called Yamapi ‘Tomohisa’ and Yamapi cried harder, trusting Ryo with all of him like he had from the minute he’d seen Ryo holding Shige in the bathroom.

::

Koyama was easy to befriend, offering absolutely no challenge. Koyama saw the good in everybody and Ryo was no exception, even if it was embarrassing when he was called on it on TV. He was left alone when he was moody, given quiet when he needed sleep, and surrounded by people when he felt lonely, all due to Koyama’s insight and everyone else’s fear of Ryo’s wrath.

For the longest time, Ryo felt like he had no connection with Koyama because he didn’t do anything to earn it. It seemed like Koyama was his mother or older brother, doting on him because he was _obligated to_ , a sort of unconditional love that would bring Koyama to tears if Ryo ever said it out loud. But that wasn’t good enough for Ryo; he needed to _deserve_ it.

Koyama had the patience of a saint, even when he was studying for finals in the middle of their comeback tour. He stopped what he was doing to help Tegoshi with his costume, listen to Shige whine about his own schoolwork and life in general, remind Yamapi to eat, and assist many juniors with lost items or homesickness. It was so natural that Ryo thought nothing of it until Koyama got sick right before his exam and Ryo found out it was because he hadn’t been sleeping.

Nobody felt guiltier than Ryo, who instantly took over everything except the task of keeping Yamapi fed, which was appropriately given to Massu. Ryo rolled his eyes at Tegoshi’s helplessness, Shige’s hard life, and the juniors’ dependency, but he didn’t raise his voice once and kept telling himself it was for Koyama’s sake. The group mother who constantly took care of others should get to take a break once in awhile.

And when Koyama got better and found out that he’d graduated, Ryo finally felt like he deserved Koyama’s love.

::

Massu was another easy one, except that it happened completely by accident. To most, Massu was the strongest of the group, and while that was true in the physical sense, it wasn’t so much emotionally. Ryo got so used to seeing Massu’s grin and cheerful attitude that when it suddenly disappeared, he was mad at _himself_ for not seeing it coming.

Massu was still as determined and enthusiastic as ever, just lacking the happiness that Ryo had become accustomed to seeing on his face every day. It felt like a dark cloud blocking the sun when Massu wasn’t smiling, and Ryo’s own mood was affected severely because of it.

“I don’t know what to do,” Koyama confided in him. “He keeps saying that nothing is wrong and talks about random things when I take him out to eat, but something is clearly bothering him.”

Even Yamapi noticed, which meant that something was _really_ wrong. “If Massu is not happy, nobody is happy.”

It was very true. NewS seemed to drift through the next single and resulting batch of interviews and appearances, interacting like any other group on the surface but lacking that certain something that made them _NewS_.

“I feel like I’m in KAT-TUN,” Tegoshi commented darkly one day while Shige experimented with eyeliner in the mirror behind him.

That was the breaking point for Ryo, who knocked the pencil out of Shige’s hand and grabbed his face. “We’re doing something about this. _Now_.”

“Why me?” Shige whined, narrowing his black-rimmed eyes in protest.

“Because,” Ryo said simply, “you and I have the next best smiles in the group.”

It was one of his more brilliant ideas, if he did say so himself, even if his face hurt by the end of the day. Shige’s looked more forced, but that just gave Ryo grounds to smack him where nobody could see.

“Shige and Ryo-chan were happy today,” Massu noticed, his eyes widening a little hopefully. “Did something good happen?”

“Nope,” Ryo replied nonchalantly. “Just happy to be a part of NewS.”

Massu stared at Ryo for a long time, then Shige, the corners of his mouth turning up to match their expressions and bring out the sun. “Me too.”

“ _Now_ something good has happened,” Ryo said under his breath, but as usual Massu was oblivious to it.

He never did find out what had been bothering Massu, but from then on he felt a little pride whenever Massu smiled, knowing that he was part of the reason it was so bright.

::

Ryo was starting to think that he would never have to fight for Tegoshi. The youngest active member had latched onto him from the very beginning, complete with special nicknames and lap privileges that would have annoyed Ryo had it been anyone else.

Tegoshi had grown up nicely with only a little cosmetic help, the body of a man that still contained the mind of a little boy. So many people were protective of Tegoshi that he was ignorant to the workings of the real world, becoming used to the attention and expectant of it. ‘Harmlessly self-centered’, they called him, when Ryo thought that ‘naive’ would be a better word.

When Tegoshi met a girl on the Internet, the only person he told was Ryo. He didn’t think it was allowed and he was right, but Ryo didn’t see any harm as long as Tegoshi didn’t say who he really was or agree to meet her anywhere. He may have been an idol but he was still a man, and if Tegoshi preferred to do it online instead of in the dark corner of a club like the rest of them, it was less that Ryo had to worry about.

He didn’t count on Tegoshi falling in love. This girl didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that Tegoshi refused to send her a picture, assuming that he was uncomfortable about his appearance and constantly reassuring him that he was a beautiful man solely based on the way he talked to her. Being the only person who knew about this, Ryo was the one who got to see the emails and the pictures she sent him, becoming a little entranced with her himself from the nice words she typed to Tegoshi.

“I want to tell her,” Tegoshi said firmly. “I want to tell her and then meet her.”

“Tego-nyan -” Ryo started.

“If you don’t let me,” Tegoshi went on, huffing a little because he wasn’t used to not getting his way at all, “I’ll never speak to you again.”

Ryo met his eyes, seeing the determination and frustration that would normally accompany a teenager arguing with his parents, and forced a sigh. “Suit yourself.”

And he walked out of the room.

If there’s one thing that Nishikido Ryo was good at, it was pretending to get along with people whom he really didn’t like. Not that he didn’t like Tegoshi anymore, he just acted like nothing was wrong when it was clear to everyone else that something definitely was.

“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi said knowingly, resting his head on Ryo’s shoulder during a break in practice. “Your lap is awfully empty these days.”

“Everyone’s too big to sit in it now,” Ryo replied naturally, poking Yamapi in the stomach. “Including you.”

“Hrmph,” Yamapi muttered, then fell asleep.

“We all have to grow up sometimes,” Ryo told a worried-looking Koyama the next day. “If he wants the kind of reputation that Yamapi and Jin have, he can’t look like a little boy anymore.”

Koyama narrowed his eyes, clearly disapproving of Tegoshi having that kind of reputation at all.

Shige was indifferent, but that was probably because Tegoshi now spent all of his free time with him. And Massu had no idea anything out of the ordinary was going on because nobody was crying or refusing to eat.

After almost two Tegoshi-free weeks, Shige showed up at Ryo’s apartment with angry eyebrows and a very reluctant Tegoshi in tow.

Ryo yawned in greeting.

Surprisingly, Shige’s eyebrows weren’t directed to Ryo. For once. “Tell him,” he said pointedly to Tegoshi. “Tell him what you just said to me.”

Tegoshi mumbled something, and Ryo yawned again.

“ _Tegoshi_ ,” Shige said sternly, sounding like an irritated school teacher.

“Ryo-tan was right,” Tegoshi said in a small voice.

Ryo didn’t realize how much he missed that nickname until he finally heard it again. He was so awed that he didn’t even notice Shige’s eye-rolling and muttering about egos as he pushed Tegoshi inside and walked away.

Tegoshi immediately fell into Ryo’s arms, and Ryo knew right away that he was dealing with a first broken heart. He managed to hold Tegoshi tightly while getting the essentials – ice cream and samurai movies – feeling a little choked up himself at being close to Tegoshi after so long.

“This is fun,” Tegoshi said awhile later, happily eating the ice cream while sprawled across Ryo’s lap. “I’m glad I decided to talk to you again. I missed you.”

Something in Tegoshi’s tone had Ryo raising an eyebrow. “So what happened with that girl?”

Tegoshi shrugged. “She got annoying, so I let her go.”

The other eyebrow joined the first one. “Just like that?”

“Yup.” Tegoshi rolled onto his back and smiled up at Ryo. “Girls are bothersome, aren’t they? I’m glad I didn’t tell her who I was or she might have caused us a lot of trouble.”

Ryo blinked. “You didn’t tell her.”

“Nope!” Tegoshi chirped, polishing off the carton of ice cream. “Ryo-tan was right after all. I think I will listen to you from now on, even if it’s something I don’t agree with.”

Ryo felt a frown form on his face, but he figured that counted as a win.

::

Shige was and still is the most difficult. Even in present time, Shige ignores Ryo and argues with him whenever he tries to be helpful.

It’s a different kind of fighting that Ryo isn’t used to, but he’s determined to succeed. It wouldn’t do to earn the love of everyone else _except_ Shige, after all. Even if he’s pretty sure he never had it in the first place.

Koyama tries to help, pushing them together in a way that’s more obvious than if he were trying to set them up on a date. Koyama will go out of his way to make Shige and Ryo sit together anytime they are all seated, which is more counterproductive than anything because sitting next to each other has nothing to do with anything.

“Koyama’s annoying today,” Ryo mutters.

“Shut up, you don’t talk about him like that,” Shige snaps, shooting Ryo a nasty look as he grabs his bag and leaves to go to class.

Ryo would be appalled if he wasn’t so pissed off. Tegoshi offers a sympathetic look and Koyama frowns in failure, and that’s when it occurs to Ryo that the _completeness_ of his group depends on him overcoming this challenge with Shige.

For the sake of everyone else, he has to make Shige love him.

The thought keeps him awake at night, thinking of ways to earn Shige’s affections without going too far. If he suddenly becomes nice and caring, Shige will see right through him and pull farther away. None of the tactics he used on the others will work; this battle is special and just makes Ryo try harder because it’s the most important one.

Shige is a lot like himself, he learns as he observes the other in an attempt to decide which method to go with. He’s studying furiously, winter finals approaching, and it doesn’t take a college graduate to see that Shige is not impressed with a concert tour going on at the same time. It’s Koyama all over again, except that everybody knows better than to bother Shige and this has been going on for so long that the others are already set in their roles.

Food and drink will mysteriously appear in front of Shige as he works, making him smile a little at the thought of Koyama or Massu sneaking in and taking care of him without interrupting. Yamapi donates his lap for Shige to use as a pillow during rare naptimes, and Tegoshi seems to find anyone who even thinks about bothering Shige and chatters at them until they forget all about Shige and usually buy Tegoshi lunch.

Ryo’s always just kept his distance, because that’s what Ryo would want if he were in Shige’s situation. He’d probably want a backrub too, but he’s seen Shige shrug off Koyama until the latter learned to keep his hands to himself when Shige is stressed. Ryo gets them instead, which is fine with him even if Koyama doesn’t use enough force.

“You look contemplative,” Yamapi comments, and Ryo’s eyes focus on the man who seems to only have one facial expression yet always knows how he feels.

Ryo just nods and returns to watching Shige, wracking his brain for something to do to make the younger like him at least a little bit. He doesn’t know what to do and it’s driving him crazy.

“Stop staring at me,” Shige raises his voice from across the room. “You’re distracting. Say what you want to say or get the hell out.”

“You’re so spoiled,” Ryo explodes before he can think about it. “You have everyone walking on eggshells around you and fawning over you like you’re the first Johnny to go to college. I hate to burst your pretentious bubble, but you are _not_ the most important person in this group and no matter what else you have going on, you need to do your job and stop acting like we all owe you something. You have the nerve to talk about Tegoshi but he’s more modest than you right now, and that’s saying something. Thinking you are _elite_ does not entitle you to special treatment, asshole.”

Then he turns and walks away, missing the completely incredulous look on Shige’s face and the tiny smile on Yamapi’s.

When the tour is over, Shige sleeps for almost two days and returns with his marks that are less than stellar for someone trying to get into law school.

“ _That_ one,” Shige announces sarcastically, “is purely due to Nishikido yelling at me right before I took the exam.”

Guilt fills Ryo but somehow morphs into anger. “Sure, go ahead and blame me for your underachievement. Can’t even take responsibility for your own failure, just like a child.”

“Stop it, you two,” Massu says softly. “You’re upsetting Koyama.”

Both Shige and Ryo turn to face Koyama, who has his hands over his face and is shaking his head madly. “Let them have it out,” he mumbles. “Don’t worry about me.”

Shige glares at Ryo. “I don’t know how you sleep at night, making people cry like that.”

“I sleep just fine,” Ryo lies. “Because I don’t let other people’s shit get to me.”

“You want to know why I don’t like you?” Shige asks suddenly, getting to his feet. “You’re fake. You hide behind this facade of not giving a shit and never being scared when you really do care and have fears just like everyone else in the world. It doesn’t make you ‘cool’ or ‘strong’ when all you’re doing is lying to everyone about who you really are.”

He pauses to take a breath and Ryo can’t do anything but stare at him.

“Yes, I get special treatment when I have exams. But I deserve it. I don’t constantly push everyone away and talk down to them to make myself feel better about being inadequate. I can openly admit that I’m inadequate and accept that I’m still loved in spite of it.”

After a few beats of silence, Ryo realizes that everyone is looking at him and waiting for him to say something. “What do you want from me?” he finally asks softly, the fight no longer in him.

“Be yourself,” Shige spits in response. “It’s one thing to act in front of a camera, but it’s insulting when you do it around us.”

Ryo sighs. “Okay, fine. You want raw Nishikido Ryo? Here it is – I care _so much_ about making you like me that I get angry when it doesn’t work, and I’m _terrified_ that it will negatively affect our group if I can’t manage to do it.”

It’s Shige’s turn to be silent. Koyama’s grinning stupidly, Tegoshi’s smirking knowingly, Massu looks hopeful, and Yamapi’s biting back a smile.

“Stupid,” Shige finally says, earning Ryo’s attention and a glare as the former looks a little embarrassed. “I don’t lecture people I don’t like.”

“Shige must really like me,” Tegoshi pipes up. “I get lectured a lot.”

“But there has to be a reason,” Ryo protests. “With everyone else, I earned it. When Yamapi praises me and Massu smiles and Koyama dotes on me and Tegoshi speaks highly of me, I can enjoy it because I’ve worked hard to deserve it. With you, there’s _nothing_.”

Shige bites his lip and nods to himself. “How about me standing here right now?”

“There’s no way I’m responsible for your _life_ -” Ryo starts.

“I didn’t want to tell you this because I thought it would give you an even bigger head,” Shige cuts him off, “but I was ready to quit that day you found me in the bathroom. I had already talked to Yamapi and he was prepared to let me go.”

“Shige,” Koyama gasps, and Ryo knows immediately that this is the first time Koyama is hearing of this.

A glance to Yamapi proves the truth of Shige’s words as well as the truth behind their friendship in the first place.

“The main reason I come here every day and do my best is because of you,” Shige says to Ryo, staring him in the eyes. “Because you think I can do it. Even if you give me a hard time and make fun of me and argue with me over stupid shit, I know that you support me and somehow that makes it all worth it.”

Shige’s borderline hysterical, gesturing widely as he speaks like he doesn’t believe a word he’s saying. Kind of like a serial killer would act as he reveals his master plan, Ryo thinks.

“So essentially,” Ryo begins, “if I were to decide that you suck, you would leave?”

“Nope,” Shige answers firmly. “Then I would just have to try even harder to prove you wrong.”

Yamapi laughs out loud, so hard that he falls over.

“I will never understand Kansai men,” Koyama mumbles incredulously.

“Shige and Ryo-tan are a lot alike, aren’t they?” Tegoshi wonders out loud.

Massu just grins very, very brightly.

“I’m a great influence,” Ryo finally says, smirking when Shige snorts.

He accepts the loss in favor of someone fighting for _him_ for once.

::bonus::

“What do you think this is about?” Koyama hisses, sitting between Shige and Yamapi and gripping onto both of their hands for support. “I’m really nervous.”

Ryo sits on the other side of Yamapi and looks around Johnny’s large conference table, remembering vividly the last time they were all here. He’s pretty sure he’s not the only one recalling that fateful day.

“We didn’t do anything wrong, right?” Tegoshi asks quietly, his voice wavering as he sits next to Ryo.

“Of course not,” Shige beats Ryo to saying. His eyes are closed and he looks to be concentrating really hard, clutching onto Koyama’s hand just as hard as the latter is giving it back.

Ryo stares at him, feeling the intensity of Shige’s hopes that seem to make up for the others’ anxiety all on its own. Without another thought Ryo joins forces with him, wishing for the best for both of his groups, the epitome of what he (they) have been fighting for since the beginning.

Maybe now it will finally pay off, and none of them will have to fight anymore.


End file.
